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kongstarlil
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Name: Lillian
Gender: Female
Interests: sincerity; sunset strip; wild :) and tame concerts alike; talent; compassion; wit; having free-spirited endeavours; genuineness (especially in people); travel; truly learning; music of all sorts; new experiences; manicures; live music & festivities; comfort; i-freaking-meem [imeem] is awesome.
Message: message me
AIM:  kongstarlil
MSN: lilliankong@gmail.com
Member Since:
10/28/2005
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| Everything was explained to me this morning. 
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| Today was one of those days where I felt completely and utterly at a physical low-point--perpetual drowsiness, broked-out face, frizzy hair, sore legs, throbbing headache, dry hands, chapped lips, bushy eyebrows, bloatedness, tense shoulders. It was one of those days where nothing could really alleviate the circumstance and sentiments except rolling up into a ball under the covers and sleeping the ickiness away. So when I got home, I removed my make-up, cringed at the state of my face, and did my math homework, because 6:00 P.M. would not be an acceptable time to go to bed. Now, it's 11:21, and I think I can allow myself to resign after a long day's worth of blah blah blah.
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| I've been itching to write a blog entry for a while now, but every time I sit down to write, there's an alternative activity I'd much rather partake in or else I'm swamped with a chronic sleepiness that I can't fight...narcolepsy, maybe? I partially blame it on the absurd heat wave that has invaded LA, but when I look outside the window, I see plenty of people walking about energetically, carrying on with their lives unaffected.
So what's the problem with me? I'm bored. In the very words of our beloved Third Eye Blind, I feel as though the life that I lead is a "Semi-Charmed Life." I need something else to get me through this semi-charmed kinda life. I have discovered, though, that spontaneity is an impractical yet oh-so-effective outlet for my boredom. Impulsive, rash, crazy, whatever- I do what I want (as long as it's within the perimeters of sanity).
Today I yelped around for an Indian restaurant in the South Bay that carried only one $, as I am on the tightest budget I have ever been on in my collegiate memory. I finally found one (4.5 stars!... and if you're reading this sis, save your 5 STAAA!! comment =P) and made my way over to meet a friend. (Disclaimer: I apologize if I unintentionally sound ignorant). The restaurant turned out to be a hot local dinner place for Indian regulars. When my Asian girlfriend and I walked into the place, we suddenly became aliens, literally in light of the definition of the word. Staring children can always be pardoned, because they're all afflicted with some sort of staring problem. But as my eyes shifted between my plate of food, the woman to my right, and the reflection of the woman on the mirror on my left side, I could see that she was staring at me, and she was clearly unaffected by the uncomfortable glances that I gave her periodically in attempts to break the awkward stare. Relentless. But the food was great, and the experience invaluable.
After eating dinner, with barely a second thought and in the name of spontanaeity, we decided to visit our friend in Long Beach, because he was hosting a Pictionary/Game Night. We arrived to a house of 5-6 Caucasian Christian males--something I have never experienced before. For the first time in a long time, I truly felt aware of who I am. My Asian-ness stuck out like a sore thumb, although I surprisingly didn't feel uncomfortable in the least bit.
It was the first time in my life that I experienced being the racial minority twice in one day, in two completely different circumstances. Perhaps it's because I'm a Korean girl living in SoCal that these experiences are document-worthy, but this experience opened my eyes to the reality of the world outside of the diversity that exists in Los Angeles. Although an anticlimactic ending to this blog post, I think that diversity really is something that we should be thankful for.
But anyway, I recently got my picture drawn; street art, I guess you can say.
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| I love it when things are perfectly mutual. So, I guess for something to even be considered mutual, it has to have the basis of some sort of relationship first. And by mutual, I mean a perfectly balanced agreement between two or more people (or entities) to act in a certain way. For instance, mutual interest in maintaining a friendship is nice when it's perfectly mutual. Reaping the benefits of working one's ass off to receive the grades to show it is nice when the two are mutually reflective of one another. Having reciprocated feelings for and from a "special" someone is nice when it is mutual. Bottom line is that it's just nice when the world functions in this way. However, the reality is that most often than not, things are not mutual-- or rather, are not consistently mutual. Sometimes I think that this imbalance between the amount of attention and love between people are always balanced out by their relationships with other people. This is to say that although one is on the receiving end for a particular relationship, he or she may be on the giving end for another. And I guess this is what keeps the world intact and balanced albeit not perfectly and mutually functioning.
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| Often times I feel as though I make the same exact mistake over and over and over and over. It's the perpetual feeling that things could have been done differently--that I could have left the situation gracefully and with dignity light-years ago. I wonder if it is because of my laziness that these mistakes that have become habitual are so difficult to overcome. Behavior and words that come from some desolate inner nook of my heart are truly not indicative of what the priorities in my life really are, and it sucks that things get portrayed otherwise. Nothing gets gained but dignity and strength sure does get lost in the jumble. I'm le tired.
But for a comic relief but sheer reality that only Debbie Gim will understand,
[disclaimer: this is not meant to be dramatic]
" It's over so, over, but I just press rewind
I'm searching and yearning, but I can't seem to find."
We really gotta work on the verses, D.
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